Z oe L ockert, MA, MFTI
Supervised by Frieda Ferrick, MFT 30819

. . . grief is not to be borne alone.












  Updated - 01/01/2008
  Copyright 2007 - 2008
  All Rights Reserved

 


COPING WITH INFERTILITY

Dealing with Infertility can be tremendously difficult, it can also be a time to draw together in the face of adversity, learn about our inner strengths, & contemplate new ways of looking at family life. It is normal & natural to need time & space to grieve for the losses involved with infertility. Counseling can provide that sacred space for expressing the powerful emotions that come up when dealing with infertility & loss. Counseling can offer needed support, as well as help with stress, self-esteem & relationship problems stemming from infertility.

There is a loss associated with having an assisted pregnancy.

Most people who suffer a loss or are struggling with the grief of Infertility, experience one or more of the following:

  • Feel tightness in the throat, heaviness in chest & experience a feeling of “physical pain”
  • Feel sad at times & angry at other times
  • Feel their mood change over the slightest things.
  • Cry at unexpected times.
  • Experience an intense preoccupation with infertility
  • Wander aimlessly, forget things often, & don’t finish things they have started
  • Feel angry at their spouse & other family members who don't seem to understand
  • Feel jealous of people who are pregnant or have children
  • Feel anxious & afraid to get pregnant.
When coping with Infertility, it is normal to:

  • Feel out of control.
  • Feel depressed, shattered and derailed when your period starts
  • Be angry and jealous at ALL pregnant people
  • Feel like a failure as a wife and as a husband
  • Want to scream at people who say “you just need to relax!”
  • Isolate yourself from social events, especially baby showers, birthday parties or other events with families and potential pregnant people
  • Think about infertility 24 hours a day, 7 days a week
  • Be angry and worried about the financial aspect of treatment
  • Feel resentful about the work it takes to be an infertility patient. It is a like a part-time job with its medical appointments, lab work and medications. There is also the internet research, the books, the acupressure, the exercise, and the diet - Infertility touches every aspect of your life.
  • Feel angry at everyone and everything. Many questions are unanswered and are out of your control. It is very frustrating.
  • Feel concerned about the couple relationship and question how the relationship will survive dealing with infertility or the possibility of not being able to conceive.
  • Feel depressed, anxious, stressed, pre-occupied, tense and GUILTY for feeling this way.
  • Feel sad and worried if sex has become mechanical, goal-oriented and void of passion.
  • Feel afraid to get pregnant, especially if you have experienced a pregnancy loss before.
  • Feel angry if age is an issue in your infertility journey. It is hard to be rushed and not allowed to go at your own pace. It is painful to hear that your eggs called “old.”
  • Feel like you are waiting for your life to start. Many couples describe feeling like their life is on hold or pause. This waiting is maddening and frustrating!
  • Feel tired, fatigued and battle-worn from all of your efforts. You are working very hard.
Zoe is a Marriage & Family Therapist Intern with over ten years experience. Her approach draws on her clinical training in psychology & her personal experience with loss. Zoe also facilitates an Infant & Pregnancy Loss Support Group for Sutter VNA& Hospice. Zoe is a member of RESOLVE & leads many groups for couples dealing with infertility.

Please call to schedule an appointment: (707) 338-1862


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